You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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