? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
