Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
