I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
