Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
