Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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