he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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