I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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