You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
