how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
