My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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