actually, I'm a sock model
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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