If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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