I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
