the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
