I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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