You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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