Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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