I just made out with a guy for $7.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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