Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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