You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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