she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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