the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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