I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well I just put wine in my tea
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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