remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
