I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
