Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
