True but thats because hes a fetus.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
