Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
