I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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