Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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