he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
