nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she told me i tasted like america
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
