So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
