You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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