never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
