Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize