Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
