he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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