Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
