im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
