What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
