It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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