In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I can't turn off my feet"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
