i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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