i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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