I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
