oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
