You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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