I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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