why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
