After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
