the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
