I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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